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Tuesday, February 3, 2009


I truly think I've lost it these days, and I mean my marbles. Look at the amount of gray hairs on my head. I think I can tell you now where they came from.

For starters, today I took a midterm and left early. Out of routine, I walked to my next class, thinking I was going to be late. When I walked in, there was a separate class in session, so I came out thinking, "I'm pretty sure that was the right room..." At that moment, I thought I have officially gone delirious. Luckily for me, I saw a familiar face, and she reassured me that I simply arrived earlier to class than usual today.

I've been forgetful. I lack sleep. I've lost my appetite. I fear tomorrow. I fear the day after tomorrow. I feel apathetic. I feel helpless. I feel like a helpless child.

Negativity certainly isn't a stranger in my life, but lately it has dominated a lot of it. What the hell... I swear I'm not PMSing, but why do these thoughts suddenly appear and linger in my mind? I don't like this feeling, this feeling which is a huge medley of other feelings: insecurity, vulnerability, uncertainty, fear of responsibility, anxiety, worries, and other negative -ities.

I want to just get away from all of this. I want to curl up in a fetal position and lay in bed all day. I want to lay in bed all day. I want to sleep it all off. But I can't. Because I know that I'll have to sit back up and face reality.

To help myself... I think I'll take a nap for now. I'll hate it when I have to wake up.